“…Invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever.”

What a pleasant quote to stumble upon.

Enjoy! Another interview will be coming soon!

Day 6- June 19, 2012 (Starbucks in New Hope, PA 4:00pm)

Where are all of my independent women at?! So far, throughout this entire project I’ve noticed that there hasn’t been one solitary woman, simply reading, doing some work, or even just soaking up some time to collect her thoughts while enjoying a delicious beverage. WHY? All of the women that I’ve come across have always been with 1) A significant other or 2) All of their girlfriends. It makes me a bit apprehensive to see this trend. Maybe I’m merely in the wrong coffee shops or places, but all my “single ladies” are nowhere to be found.

Despite my concerning awareness, I came across a pleasant elderly man who enjoyed the chit chat. You could tell that this man has so far lived a happy, fulfilling life. He had an abundance of wrinkles (I’d say he was in his 70s), but the most prominent ones where the ones around his mouth; smile lines that developed from the elated times of his past. He was contently sitting by his lonesome at a table for three with his beautiful dog at his side. She was a mixed breed (they’re always the best!) with long hair of black and white, and bright blue eyes (an icy light blue). Some spots were a beautiful salt and pepper mix that almost looked like someone had painted these little random black spots ever so precisely.

This older man was classy. He was sporting a navy blue polo, some strikingly interesting framed glasses (with the Transitions Lenses in), khaki shorts, and some worn in Dockers. Not to mention, he had a very nice watch on (I’m a big fan of watches), one with a nice brown leather strap and a big ole classic face. I could tell that this man knew how to order a good glass of wine.

“So what makes you happy?” The man simply looked off into the distance, “Sitting here,” was the only answer he gave at first, but I knew exactly what he meant. He had a German accent that was pretty thick, but I could still comprehend what he had to say. “And what do you like about sitting here at this lovely Starbucks?” he laughed and a smile came across his face immediately filling in those pronounced wrinkles, “I like watching people”. Mhm. People watching, it’s a great “hobby,” if you will, and I think you really begin to master it as you get older.

“I like to think about these people, their relationships, where they’re going, where they’re coming from, and who they are as people. I like to let my mind wander”. At this point all I could think of was my friend Marlena. Marlena and I people watched every night in the dining hall even when we were with a big group of people. And I even thought back to my senior year of high school. My friend Jeremy and I would go to our local grocery store for “Salad Fridays” (this market has one of the best salad bars I know of) and every single Friday we would pick out a random person, and tell each other the ins and outs of that person’s life. It’s entertaining to think about strangers, who they are, and what shaped them into the person that they are today.

“Can you remember a time, event, or moment in your life when you were beyond happy?” He gave that question some thought and stated “Well, I feel like it’s always sort of mixed feelings throughout life, there is always something going on that is keeping you from being completely content”. To this statement I had to agree, being someone who has been known to worry about everything under the sun, I can say that it is hard to reach that complete happiness, to be on top of that mountain without having any other negatives to affect your state of jubilancy.

“But when I arrived in New York for the first time, I remember that that was one of the happiest moments of my life”, with this response I asked a few follow up questions. This man went into quite some detail, “I arrived from Germany when I was just 24 years old. I was the only member of my family to come over here to the United States. I lived in Bremen, Germany and that area was occupied after the war by the Americans. I had lots of contact with the American G.I.s because I distributed the Stars and Stripes Newspaper to them”.

I loved hearing about this! Sometimes I feel as though people my age don’t seem to appreciate elders as much as we should. There are so many stories to be told. Yes, I understand that the older folk tend to be slightly repetitive and forgetful at times, but patience is key. If your patient and listen, you’re bound to learn a thing or two. Passing stories by word of mouth is a dying custom in our society. We would rather sit behind a computer screen and let Wikipedia teach us about our past, when conversing with someone who was there to witness these events is eons more rewarding, you get a the story with a personal touch.

“Everything in my town that was American was fantastic!” he said smiling ear to ear. “So I decided that after my studies I would go to visit America for a year and see the country. I didn’t go back to Germany until two and a half years later, but immediately after arriving in Bremen, I felt homesick for New York. I never wanted to leave with a one way ticket again!” This old man’s love for New York was immense. “I always have to be close to New York… it’s the center of the universe. When I’m looking at Rockefeller Center, it literally looks like the center of the universe… I’ve been to a lot of cities and let me tell you, there is no other city like it.” This man has been to Tokyo, Amsterdam, Hong Kong, Sydney, Boston, Washington D.C., etc. and he claims that there isn’t a place out there that’s quite like NY. Nothing beats it. “Everyone knows where you’re talking about when you say “the city,” no other place is like that.” Travel was a frequent occurrence when he was younger due to his work, but also because he and his wife wanted to see as much as they could. An ambitious couple wanting to see what this planet has to offer.

After talking about his traveling experiences for a bit, we got back on track and I asked him about the significant statement from previous dialogue:

“You can’t be on top of the mountain all of the time. You need to find happiness coming down the mountain and even going up. You need to enjoy the present moment.”

To this statement the man stated, “That’s very true, the most incredible altruism is that we always seem to think that another time will be a better time. The truth is the present is always a good time, but we don’t know it. We’re always looking for something better.” Being a person who thinks to the future abnormally too often, I can certainly agree with this statement.

“The people who see the present as the best time are the happiest people in the world.” And with this statement I asked if he had always been in that mindset or if it came with age. “That mindset definitely came with age. When you’re young you’re always looking to the future, that horizon usually shows better times ahead, but that doesn’t change the fact that the present is what you are in now, so you should make the best of what’s in front of you.”

This has been a concept that I’ve been struggling with at times throughout my first year of college. It’s exciting to think about what the future holds. That blank canvas looks so tempting and I simply want to start my painting. Lately I’ve been describing this view to my friends in a bit of an eccentric way… I say to them “It’s like I’m a little toddler sitting in a room with tons of finger paints surrounding me, and one BIG blank canvas in front of me. I want to dip my fingers in all of the finger paints- experiences, to create my own masterpiece, my future!” But I have indeed come to realize that fast forwarding through these next few years would also force me to miss out on some of the best times. “The journey is the reward,” (Chinese Proverb) and so the present is indeed the best time and it always will be.

I thanked the man for his time and he wished me luck in the endeavor and in life in general. I then decided to soak up my time at the coffee shop doing some people watching as I enjoyed the present moment. As I gazed off looking to the streets as a myriad of people strolled on by, I came across a petite older woman with a bob-haircut. She was awfully cute. She immediately spotted the man I had been talking with and gave him one of the biggest loving smiles I had seen in a while. She came up to the man and kissed him on the cheek as she sat down. They spoke in hushed tones (in German of course!) as their faces were very close, and it was incredibly obvious that they were still very much in love. The way it should be.

And so as the couple got up, ready to go home, the man gave me one last goodbye and left me with a lasting happiness from his words of wisdom. Although through my conversation with this man I was reminded to always be content with the present, I couldn’t help but catch a slight glimpse of excitement for the future. The idea to grow old with someone I truly care about, and despite the aging, still be madly in love like the couple I encountered today.

Day 5- June 11, 2012 (Starbucks 11:00 pm)

Sorry this one took so long… but I think you’ll see why.

I got to Starbucks at 9 pm. As I finished up some work for my online class, I looked around at the people that were sitting near me. To my left, some busy business men working hard on their laptops. To my right, a gaggle of old Asian women. Promising right? At the top of my notebook I had written 10:00 pm, meaning by 10:00 I would have been talking to my next random stranger. That didn’t happen. I thought back to my previous conversation with the couple, and how the woman (who was foreign) offered me some quality responses that I didn’t see coming… but somehow, I wasn’t sure if these Asian women would even be able to understand me.

10:30 rolled around and finally some of the business men left, so there were two empty tables next to me. One after another two men came in and sat at those tables. The one sitting at the far table had curly, dark brown hair and a hefty build. He looked to be Greek, or Italian, or a mix of the two. He had the most unique colored eyes that I have ever seen. They were a blue/green mix, like the ocean (Atlantic Coast) on an exceptionally sunny day, where the water is kind of a see-through green with spots of blue and grey. His dark complexion and hair definitely helped to bring out that amazing color.  I also saw that he had a Phillies keychain on his keys… promising. The man who sat directly next to me threw his bag down on the bench, placed a pretty significant stack of books down on the table, and hurried to the bathroom. Curious. The books on the table were interesting. Some were thick and leather bound journals and on top there was a small book, I couldn’t exactly read the title, but I did catch the word “Godly”. These books had plenty of wear and tear on them. Obviously wherever this man went, I’m assuming those books went as well.

This mysterious man (who looked to be in his late 20s) ordered a drink and came back to his table. He was wearing all cameo-green colored apparel… hat, pants, shirt, even shoes. He also had a ruck-looking backpack that was the same shade. It reminded me of army attire, but I didn’t think that was the case. As the man cracked open the biggest book on the table, a thick black leather bound book with extremely tiny print, he began to read. In his right hand, he had a multi-ink colored pen (you know those ones that are blue, green, red, and black in one pen… great for studying/ taking notes) as he actively read. As I looked at this man I noticed that under the hat, he seemed to have a bit of a harsh looking face. He seemed intimidating (significantly large biceps and all.) This observation brought me to the conclusion that I would ask the Greek man to his right. Until of course the Greek man got up and left after being in Starbucks for a mere 20 minutes or so.

So here I was contemplating whether or not to stay and talk to either this harsh looking, all cameo-green, muscular, and intimidating man… or hope that a less intimidating stranger would stroll in (the light shining upon that idea was dimming as we were getting closer to 11:00 pm… this Starbucks closes at 12:30 am), or simply call it a night and maybe try to interview two people tomorrow… No. Just do it I told myself, what’s the worst that could happen… he’ll say no?

Cautiously I leaned over to this man’s table. He was reading, so I didn’t want to startle him, “I’m sorry sir I don’t mean to bother you…” He immediately popped up to responded, and kind of startled me. “No no no, not at all!” he stated and somehow his voice was a lot different than I imagined it sounding like. His voice wasn’t as low or as deep as I expected, it was kind of smooth (if you can picture a smooth sounding voice), not like the Old Spice “the man your man can smell like” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owGykVbfgUE) commercial, but I guess it was softer and less abrasive as I pictured it to sound like. And man, was he more enthusiastic than I imagined he would be! I pitched the mission to him, asked if he would be willing to participate, and he promptly agreed.

“So in general what makes you happy?” As I watched him begin to contemplate he declared “Wow, off the cuff.” I gave a quick laugh and agreed with him. I love how when I ask that first question everyone seems to be caught off guard. It’s as if you’re a freshman in high school and you saw the teacher you have a crush outside of school, just walking around, being a normal person. Man does your heart leap as you mull over the idea of saying hello or simply acting casual, and pretending not to see him or her in the hopes that your teacher will be the one to notice you. It’s exciting! It’s exciting to think about the outcome if you do go up to him or her (maybe you’ll have a lovely conversation about nonschool related topics), and you weren’t expecting it (you aren’t supposed to see your teacher outside of school, you think to yourself… it’s my teacher!), but it was nice to have the opportunity come up. How many times a day does an average person contemplate about what makes him or her happy, let alone have a conversation about it with a random girl 19 years young.

“Ultimately, I’d have to say my independence.” Again this man continued to surprise me. “Autonomy, reading and studying, introspection and reflection.” Wow. What? I couldn’t help but feel like a complete goon as I smiled at this random guy astonished by the answers he was spilling out to me. I could tell he liked to talk, usually in my conversations I have to kind of egg the interviewees on, asking plenty of follow up questions, but he just kept going… it was great! “I would also say my family but I don’t really talk to them a lot…” he gave that one a second thought, “well actually yeah, family. They make me happy”. He had smile on his face the entire time as he spoke, even when he was deep in thought. He had one heck of a smile, one of those ones that you never forget. If someone were to show me a picture of his smile and nothing else, no face, just simply a mouth, I would know it was him. He had a shaven head down to the peach fuzz and a nice tan (No not like a fake  Jersey shore tan, but I began to wonder if maybe he worked outside, because it was a tan that reminded me of my father’s. An all natural tan that just sets in without an attempt… simply from spending endless hours in nature due to his profession).

“I would also say friends. Friends serve a great purpose. I don’t like to think that I am social for the sake of being social”. The way he chose to phrase things really did blow my mind. It reminded me of some of my friends, the ones who I love speaking with because of their natural poetic speech and a different way of looking at things. This man reminded me of them, but he was also unlike anyone I’ve ever spoken to before. I have never met someone who speaks so passionately with everything that he or she has to say. It was not to the extent where it was overwhelming, but you could tell that it was simply part of his personality.

He was saying so many inspiring things that I found it awfully hard to get them all down, there were countless times where I just wanted to sit back and listen, let him preach to me. And sometimes, I would find myself sitting back and listening, simply soaking in all that he had to say. His eyes were very distinguishing… distinguishing in a similar, but very different way than the Greek man that had left about 45 minutes ago. His eyes looked to be a light hazel, but they also seemed a bit golden, like a rustic, old gold that’s lost its shine… like the gold shade that you would find in one of your grandma’s old pieces of jewelry, a piece of jewelry that hasn’t been touched in years, but is still more beautiful than any other piece you would buy new at the jewelers.

As the man went on, I tried to capture all of what he was currently saying, but I wanted to get back to one of the first statements that he said when he first began to answer the question. He took a pause and I took my chance to switch the direction of the conversation “Hold on, could we maybe go back to one your previous statements?” he smiled “Yeah sure!” “Among the first couple things that you mentioned you brought up introspection and reflection… could you maybe elaborate a bit more? And what do you like to reflect about?” He continued to smile as he began “Straight up”. This was a phrase that I noticed he said a lot. “Straight up” and “right on” were thrown in there a couple times when he agreed with a statement or was beginning to answer a question. It was interesting to hear. The transition from a slightly hippie-like phrase into his beautiful way with words was such a contrast.

“I think that everyone should take time to reflect every day, it’s important. Not only is it important to simply write out your thoughts, but you should especially take time to write about what life throws at you”. I agreed with this, I think that it’s a good idea for people to reflect upon important events that happen in their lives… even the sad ones. It helps you to remember the experience and to take what you learned from it with you onto the next day.

“I think that people should reflect upon 1. Why they’re here and to realize that they shouldn’t take that for granted. 2. You should figure out your trajectory, where you’re going right now, where you want to go, where you see yourself going… and it’s particularly important to do this while you’re young. 4. You should think about God and whether or not you believe in him 5. You need to reflect upon your core values and prioritize them 6. Establish your goals from your core values and be sure to never live in conflict of your values”.

Okay. By this point I was so overwhelmingly happy, I didn’t really know what to do with myself, but this exact reaction reminded me why I was doing this whole project. Throughout these conversations (and this one specifically) I am always reminded about things that bring me happiness that I don’t normally take note of on a daily basis. This man was happy. He was happy to be sitting here talking to me about what brings contentment to his life. He asked why I was doing this entire blog, I filled him in on the detailed mission and reasons behind it (this was the first stranger that I had come across that I felt completely and entirely okay with giving him all the details and the ins and outs. Not that I wasn’t honest with the other people that I’ve come across, but he was so genuinely interested that I didn’t mind giving him the full story), He also asked for the URL for the blog… writing it down on the inside back cover of the tiny “Godly” book he brought with him.

He asked about what other people had brought up. I confessed that there were so many different answers that I had received, but so far I noticed a music trend. “Music! Oh yeah! How could I have forgotten music?” But again, this man shed light upon a different way to enjoy music. He spoke about how he likes to listen to music in context. A.k.a. he likes to listen to music while he reads or writes so that the music flows within the task he’s performing. He mentioned how everything he does in life “needs to be inspiring, challenging, motivating, etc… I don’t want to do it just to do it. It needs to have a purpose”.

I was extremely curious about this man. I wanted to pick his brain. I wanted to learn about the experiences that he had gone through to get to this point… to be such a confident, level headed, intelligent individual who knows where he’s headed, and what he wants in life. I asked if he had gone to college and he responded with “well, I was in college, but it just wasn’t for me. I like learning informally, through experience. I had noticed that since high school… I just wanted to get to the meat and potatoes. You know? But I’m always educating myself, I’m always reading,” he put his hands on the books in front of him and gave me a big smile, “everyone should always read, you can travel the world through books”.

Astonished. Inspired. Jubilant. Are only a few words that I can use to describe my thoughts at this point in the 2 hour long conversation that I had with this man. I went back to one of the listed topics of which he believes that people should reflect upon (number 2 to be exact), and asked “where are you going?” He lightheartedly chuckled at this question, took a pause and jumped right into it.

“I grew up in a home that wasn’t very religious… we just went to church every weekend. But one day, when I was 13 a very spiritual man shared the gospel with me. From that day on, I kind of just took it and ran with it… I never questioned it. Until a few years ago… I started to rethink. I started asking myself “Does God exist? Do I want to believe in it? Etc.” I realized that it’s something that I needed to come to terms with, I think that religion is something that everyone should question and come to a conclusion about. From that foundation we build upon the rest. You can’t leave that question open-ended”.

So at this point, it was very obvious to me that he was very religious. I on the other hand… am not very religious, so it was interesting to hear his thoughts on the topic. “So where are you at right now?” This question also lead to some very thought provoking statements. “Well, right now I am looking to find the meaning of truth… and if God is found in a certain religion… but I’ve found that I’ve come full circle back to Christianity. I still have questions, but I feel convinced. I now have a good firm ground, one that satisfies the human condition”.

He went on to talk about his current job. “I’m an arborist”. I was a bit surprised. Actually that’s a lie. I was really surprised. Just how many people do you know that are arborists… if any? And to be honest, I didn’t know much about it until he filled me in. I won’t go too much into those details, but if you don’t know what they do… you should check it out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arborist . I was fascinated by this very atypical choice in job, so I asked how he got into it. “You know… I was flipping through the classifieds looking for a job and I came across this one add… It was a picture of a man with these huge spikes in his shoes climb up a tree”. One thing led to another and when he walked into the office, they gave him a job on the spot. He’s been working there ever since (I believe it’s been around 10 years now). As he spoke of his profession, he seemed so content and I can only hope that in the future I will eventually find a job that I can settle down with, and be as content as he is right now.

But not only was this a job, it was an outlet for him. He brought up the national arborist competition that he has been participating in through his job… the end goal of the national competition is the International Tree Climbing Championship through the International Society of Arboriculture (http://itcc.isa-arbor.com/) . As he described the competition, all I could think was I NEED to see one of these competitions (which is why it’s now on my bucket list). He talked about how there are 5 different events within the competition. Events such as an aerial rescue (rescuing a “person” from a tree) and judging is based on all different categories, not just on how fast you can get up the tree. He came in 9^th this past year out of 30 contestants (and would have been in a better place if he hadn’t slipped up on one event). The top 3 from the national competition are privileged to compete internationally. He works with a man who has competed internationally 3 times, so because of his coworker and determination; he believes that he will make it into the top 3 next year… and I have no doubt in my mind that he will make it.

“I love the platform to express myself through the competition,” I agreed with him… this is one of the many things that I do miss about high school athletics. “Some people think that competitiveness may come off as “cocky”, but I don’t like to think that it’s that way. Competition just brings me happiness. The feeling of succeeding after all the hard work that was put into it is exceedingly rewarding”.

At this point we got a bit off topic as he asked where I see myself going… what I want my future to look like. As a rising sophomore, sometimes I feel a little naïve as I tell people about my plans for the future. I basically have 6 year plan set out for me and I’m not even relatively close to graduating from college yet. But he eased my worries telling me “it’s not naïve… in fact, I think that you are only setting yourself up for great happiness. Since you already have these goals and stops that you want to make in the future, once you reach them and succeed, it will be beyond rewarding”.

This man of 31 years of age told me “you know, I don’t really feel an age difference, I mean of course unless I think about it,” as he pointed to his head and laughed. “But you’re only 19 and you’re far more mature than any other 19 year old I can think of… who’s that big singer that’s about your age… I can’t think of her name”. Dumbfounded all I came back with was “Rhianna?” “No, no, she’s like 18 or 19 right about your age,” I pondered for a bit knowing that I wouldn’t come to the right answer (I barely ever listen to the radio; I like the oldies and music that you wouldn’t normally hear on the radio… I was definitely born in the wrong time). “Well you know what, that’s a good thing that you can’t think of her name, but you know who I’m talking about, you’re not like a typical 19 year old nowadays”.

“And the fact that you’re so confident… I mean I don’t know too many people who would be talking to strangers everyday like this, making themselves vulnerable as they ask someone they’ve never met before to answer questions about happiness, to give you some of their time. It was easy for me to be outgoing and confident growing up in Newark (New Jersey) I could walk down the streets and find people sitting on crates or their stoop, and I would talk to everyone, that’s just how Newark is… this is such a different area. People are stiff around here (Princeton, NJ) and simply want to go about their business without any interruptions. But anyways, you have your head on your shoulders and you know how to hold a stimulating and intellectual conversation. It’s a great quality to have”.

As I let him speak on, I realized that these were among some of the kindest compliments I’ve ever received… and they were coming from this man who I just met an hour ago. To think this person that I had just met has faith in what I want to do and who I want to be was unexpected and tremendously refreshing. As we got back on track, he remembered another catalyst for his happiness… public speaking. PUBLIC SPEAKING? Was my first reaction, but as he began to explain I kind of sided with him. “Yes! I love public speaking of any kind. Not public uproar kind of things, but respectful engagement. I was a part of this group called the Toastmasters and that’s when and where I really flourished. Also, growing up as a Christian I learned to love public speaking… not even just about religious topics. It just feels natural and I get a lot of pleasure from it”.

For those of you who don’t know about Toastmasters… it’s a nonprofit organization that helps to foster public speaking and leadership skills through a worldwide network of meeting locations. Cool, right?

http://www.toastmasters.org/Members/MembersFunctionalCategories/AboutTI.aspx

I asked him if he could remember a time or moment of complete happiness. “Well actually it’s funny… today 13 years ago, I took this girl to senior prom… and it was awesome. I remember being in the car and looking at her and thinking “wow” and giving her a kiss”. As he spoke about that day, it sounded like he was getting weak at the knees. I could relate though. I remember my prom was beyond perfect and was definitely a time of great happiness.

I brought up the statements from the previous conversation:

“I mean, aren’t we always trying to get there? To that euphoria? I can say that I’ve been happy in my life, but I don’t think that I can remember a time of complete happiness”.

To this statement he responded “Well actually, I think that a lot of the time those euphoric moments aren’t planned… they just kind of happen. Though of course in a way, everything kind of needs to be aligned for that to happen… you have to be in the right mind set. If you planned those moments then it wouldn’t be authentic… Those moments aren’t common. You can’t be on top of the mountain all of the time. You need to find happiness coming down the mountain and even going up. You need to enjoy the present moment”.

“Sometimes you really have to work for your happiness”

“Straight up. I definitely agree with that. You have to exert yourself for your happiness. You need to pursue it and be particular about what you invite into your life, because the world will promise you happiness in multiple ways, but if you don’t differentiate between the things that will really bring you happiness and the things that will lead you off the path that’s going toward your goals and your future… you’ll lose sight of what’s important to you. You need to determine goals for your happiness and you need to be stable with your values”. To these responses, I couldn’t agree more.

We talked about the project some more, but also about life in general… tougher things, things that aren’t all about happiness (at this point I put the notebook down). We spoke in confidence about particularly difficult times in our lives and threw ideas, wisdom, and suggestions back and forth. He mentioned how certain experiences in our lives bring us through ups and downs, “it’s like the reading on a heart monitor”… but it helps knowing that sometimes the experiences that we go through will turn out that way. It helps to know that in the pits of those lows, we have some of the highest of highs to look forward to.

I’ve always believed that there are good people in this world, but sometimes certain occurrences make me skeptical. This night trumps all of those skeptical thoughts; it is a prime example that holds truth to my belief. I wasn’t even planning on talking to this man, he seemed intimidating, but somehow… for some reason I just went for it. Everything happens for a reason. And I know that I was meant to meet this man on that lovely 11^th night of June 2012.

As we wrapped up our conversation we exchanged emails and phone numbers agreeing that this should not be our first and last conversation. For the first time since we started talking I looked around… there was a world out there! It was strange. We had gotten so deep in conversation that I completely blocked everything out that was going on around us… I mean Starbucks was closed for Pete’s sake! We were the last people in there. From my experience that night, I can say this… throughout this conversation with this man I was beyond happy. I was happy to listen and I was happy to share.

…Aaron, I want to thank you again for everything. You are one of the most interesting, genuine, and motivated people that I’ve ever met, and I know that you have some of your highest of highs waiting for you. As I finished this post, this song came up on my playlist and I think you’ll appreciate it… this video is an amazing version. I know that it will all work out for you… not a doubt in my mind. Thanks again!

“Weight so heavy
Mountain so tall”

How do I put this all together? ….

I am going to preface this next post with a warning. I don’t think that it’s possible to do this conversation justice. There was so much that was said. So many beautiful words and phrases used for some of the best responses I’ve received so far and somehow, I am nervous that I won’t be able to capture them all through my writing. So please just realize that there was so much more to this, so much more that I feel incapable of conveying through a few paragraphs.

I’m not sure when I’ll be done with this one.. maybe late tonight. Tomorrow night at the latest!

Day 4- June 9, 2012 (Starbucks 10:00 pm)

The sad life of a college student… but surprisingly one of the best dinners I’ve had in a while.

Today I came back to my university to visit my friend and her new (unfurnished) apartment. Dinner in the middle of her bare living room was strangely pleasant. It was also strange coming back to a desolate town which was once bustling with insane amounts of college students, but again… that was kind of pleasant as well. Being at the Starbucks that I usually camped out at to complete work and study was particularly refreshing to know that the only thing I had to do (besides a little work for an online class) was to find my next stranger to converse with.

This time I spoke with a couple. It was interesting to speak to two interviewees at a time, to see the similarities and contrasts right on the spot. To be honest, this was a beautiful couple. This couple was beautiful in the sense that there was so much culture between the two of them. A Latina woman who just recently came to America and an African American man mixed with a few other races of which I couldn’t tell. The woman was relatively young, maybe in her mid to late twenties, and the man seemed to be a bit older, in his mid to late thirties (he clearly had balding head that was shaven).

When asked what makes them happy, the man responded with “exercise” and contrastingly the woman responded with “gifts”. I had to hold back a giggle at that response. She was wearing a flashy floral patterned dress with a thick black belt at the waist, and sparkly (expensive) tan shoes that didn’t exactly match the dress, but she pulled it off.  She was gorgeous. I asked the man what specifically about exercising made him happy, he gave a short pause and responded with “the satisfaction or feeling in general afterwards.” Being a runner, I could indisputably agree that the feeling after a workout is one of the most satisfying feelings I’ve ever experienced. Looking at this man, I could tell that a lot of time was put into his physique. He was wearing a simple dark grey crew cut t-shirt that showed off some well sculpted biceps.

When I turned to the woman to ask what about gifts made her jubilant, her response was something I liked to hear, “I like the meaning intended behind the gifts given” as I asked her if she had a special gift that really made her happy, she held out her right hand and showed me this HUGE ring (given to her by the man she was with) full of tiny diamonds, not an engagement ring, but I’m sure that the significance behind that gift was pretty meaningful to her.

This woman continued to surprise me with some pretty thoughtful answers. I asked the couple if they could remember a time or moment in their lives when they were beyond happy. Both of them stared intently at the table in front of them (it was exciting to see that they really wanted to put some thought behind the answers that they gave me) until the woman came to answer. She explained that it was really hard for her to choose one time in her life when she was overwhelmingly happy because she’s a very emotional person. She stated that “for emotional people, they sometimes express happiness at high levels, levels that would be placed differently on the scale for other less emotional people. So it’s kind of hard for me to remember my highest of highs”.  I respected this answer very much so and really did agree with it. Being the type of person to get excited about the littlest things, I could easily relate to her response.

But then she looked down at her hands, fiddled with that big ring, and looked up at her significant other with cautious and uncertain eyes, “But I do miss my family” she said a bit quietly, “being here and far away from them is kind of hard. I remember that I always had happy times when I was with them all. Family makes you happy”. For a woman who took up English as a second language, she knew how to express herself very well and she had a lot to say.

When the man finally came to his answer, he stated “I mean, aren’t we always trying to get there? To that euphoria? I can say that I’ve been happy in my life, but I don’t think that I can remember a time of complete happiness”. As he spoke about the fleeting happiness of which he’s come to know as the norm, I noticed that this man couldn’t look me in the eyes. Every time that it was his turn to answer a question, he always looked off into the distance, never once looking me in the eye. I didn’t exactly know what to think about that. As he continued, he remembered that he did have a moment of excessive happiness… “When I got out of college and I got a raise for my job, I remember being beyond happy, it was the most money that I had ever made up to that point”.

This was a perfect transition for my next question. I brought up the previous statement that I selected from my last conversation: “Money doesn’t buy happiness… don’t get me wrong money can make you happy in some instances, but it has its own set of baggage as well.”

When I asked what the couple thought of this statement the woman jumped in “I’ll go first” she stated calmly looking at the man. “I came to America without money” she looked at me with very serious eyes; this was the first time that this light-hearted woman showed such a look. I asked her if she would elaborate a bit more if she was willing. “It was a very hard time; I didn’t find much happiness throughout my transition. Money is important when food is scarce. I do think that in general money is secondary, but you need it to be comfortable. When money is not available at a level to keep you comfortable, you come to realize that you satisfy what you need first, you think to the primitive things.”

On the other hand, the man agreed with the statement, but also said that it would be different if he knew what it was like to be a multimillionaire. To this response I asked if he thought that happiness to movie stars, athletes, and other well-off individuals is on the same level of happiness that “normal” people would experience.  This is where the conversation got heated. I found myself sitting back in my chair as I watched some serious mudslinging occur between the two. The argument got pretty vicious, and for a while I even stopped taking down notes because they were going back and forth so vigorously. A common statement was thrown around as the couple decided where the happiness is rooted for those on the big screen and in the news.

“With hard work comes happiness. Those movie stars and athletes work hard and feel satisfaction from what they put in to reach those accomplishments. Like a dancer who wins first place in a competition, an athlete who wins a tournament, or a movie star who gets assigned an amazing role. I believe that they work hard for what they get”.

Still, this man couldn’t look me in the eye as he was revealing quite a significant statement. Nothing but blank stares off to the side. But I agreed with his statements. The woman agreed that if you work hard, happiness will come from achievements, but her significant other once stated throughout the argument that “when you work hard, and succeed it’s very rewarding and it is no surprise that you get what you deserve”. The woman immediately interrupted him, “but what about those who work hard and don’t get what they deserve? You can’t always assume of course everyone gets what they deserve… there are a lot of people out there who work extremely hard and don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel”.

The contrast between idealist and realistic views was very interesting to see. As Starbucks was about to close in 10 minutes, I asked the couple if they had any last statements that they wanted me to include. The man stated that “Sometimes you really do have to work for your happiness.” The woman agreed, obviously a bit tuckered out from the heated debate. I thanked them for their time and their wonderful responses, and the women stopped me and said “Thank you. Thank you for really making us think and to talk about these things. It’s not something that we would usually talk about in normal day to day conversation. This was very nice”. They asked me what I was studying (clearly thinking that I was planning to major in philosophy or something along those lines) and they wished me good luck with the blog and with all that I want to do. I can honestly say that this was one of my best conversations I’ve had so far.

Day 3- June 8, 2012 (Starbucks 10:00 pm)

Tonight I received my first rejection.  I strolled on over to the back of my local Starbucks and spotted an intriguing older man reading up on some comics. This man had large glasses and extremely long grey hair pulled back into a ponytail.  I thought to myself… hmm this could be interesting.  As the friend I was with decided to find a random person to play pickup sticks with, I moseyed on over to this man, filled him in on the mission and he simply stated “no I’m sorry.” So, at least he was polite about it… but of course I had a back up. As I approached this comic book nerd who was obviously too consumed by his comic book, another older man looking to be in his late 40s or early 50s watched as the rejection occurred. I thought that maybe this man would take pity upon me, or he simply might be interested in what I inquired of the other man. I’d like to think the latter seemed to fit the situation as he agreed to answer a few questions.

“So in general, what makes you happy?” He took some time to think of an appropriate answer, conveying that this was a very general question. I took this as a positive first response… not being able to pinpoint what makes you happy shows that there must be a plethora. “A good meal,” was what he finally concluded with a smile. “And what specifically about a good meal?” he gave that some brief thought and stated “the quality of the food… and dining out.” I undoubtedly agreed as he went on to talk about a topic that has been brought up with the past strangers that I encountered; music. At a young age, this man was inspired by The Beatles (YES! At this point I was very glad to be rejected by the comic man) to take guitar lessons, and now he is even taking piano lessons. Not only was this man taken by the music that he listened to, he found pleasure through creating it. The past two people were not musically inclined, but they simply enjoyed allowing the music to take them to euphoria. 

When asked about a time or moment that he could remember to be overwhelmingly joyful, he simply stated “the birth of my three children.” It was a simple, but deeply meaningful answer; a good father would always look back on those moments of such significance to be great milestones.  This was not exactly an answer that I can relate to just quite yet, but this is a moment of happiness that I am looking forward to.

“I believe that you have to be proactive about your general state of happiness. Then again, some of your happiness may be predetermined, but you can always change some of it. You’re in control of your own happiness.”

When asked what he thought of this statement, he took a moment to soak it all in. He strongly agreed with the statement and responded, “Happiness is a state of mind, it really depends how you look at life. Sometimes people can get overwhelmed and forget about how good they have it.” Being in college… I can relate to that every single day, watching too many kids take advantage of the great education they’re privileged to receive.

He touched upon the fact that “some people are born under better circumstances” which is undeniably true, but also how “Money doesn’t buy happiness… don’t get me wrong money can make you happy in some instances, but it has its own set of baggage as well.” We briefly talked about a relatively recent article that came out analyzing statistics on the relationship between happiness and income level. This is an article that I often use as a guiding light. When pursuing a degree in a field that people always ask, “so, what are you going to do? Are you going to make enough money?” it’s good to know that a passionate outlook will inevitably bring about a livable income, and above all, I’ll be happy.

Day 2- June 7, 2012 (Starbucks 10:30 pm)

Jamming out with friends and rockin’ some Gerald hair.

While sipping some Calm Tazo tea, I had a brief, but inspiring conversation with a man in his early 20s. Definitely a big change from the last stranger that I talked to, but he had some similar things to contribute to the project. When asked, “What makes you happy?” he automatically jumped to the answer of “music… you know and jamming out.” I could have seen this answer coming; the pair of enormous headphones resting around his neck and concert wristbands were a dead giveaway. I asked what kind of music made him happy (this answer I think says a lot about a person’s personality), he lit up at this follow-up question and stated “usually electronic and hip hop… but sometimes other stuff.” As we continued the conversation he also brought up his friends accompanied by music. Basically stating that jamming out with friends to some great electronic music is a double whammy in the happiness arena. I undoubtedly agreed. This guy had such great facial expressions, a very prominent jawline, and the brightest pair of blue eyes you’ve ever seen! Not to mention a very interesting hairstyle… the sides of his head were shaved and the hair atop his head was like turf… it kind of reminded me of Gerald from Hey Arnold! but significantly less drastic.

Getting more specific, I asked if he could remember a time or moment when he was beyond happy, he responded with a fond memory from when he was teenager. “I do a lot of acting and different performances. When I was sixteen I did a comedy act in front of all of my peers… man did I slay them.” Curious as I was about the performance and the funny side of this random guy, I could tell that he wanted to return to whatever he was up to on his laptop.

I brought up the statement from the last conversation and asked what he thought about it. “Happiness is an existential state. Some people have more happiness throughout their lives than others.” He gave a quick laugh; it was obvious that he wasn’t really expecting a statement so thought provoking.  But he finally came to a conclusion “Well, I agree to a certain extent. I believe that you have to be proactive about your general state of happiness. Then again, some of your happiness may be predetermined, but you can always change some of it. You’re in control of your own happiness.” With that closing statement it made me think… are there ever times in life where you can’t control your happiness or is it a given? Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness… right?

Day 1- June 6, 2012 (Boro Bean Coffee Shop 2:00 pm)

As I was reading Omnivores Dilemma and learning about all of the uncertainty about the ways food is processed nowadays, I came across my first random stranger. Behind me was an older man, in his 60s or 70s eating lunch while reading today’s paper. I was intrigued by his all black attire and his shoulder length salt and pepper hair as he enjoyed the cloudy, northwestern-like afternoon. He seemed like a great candidate, so I turned around and told him of my mission, and asked if he would be willing to participate. His first response was “hmm well, I’m not sure if I’m the right person you should be asking. You might want to ask someone else who is a little more upbeat…” This response caught me a bit off guard, but I continued on to explain that peppy, bright, and cheery are not the only types of people I’m after. A bit reluctantly, he agreed to answer a couple questions.

“So what makes you happy?” He answered almost instantly, “My friends.” “What specifically about your friends?” He took some time to think and responded “Well, the good relationships I have with them.” And after this answer he immediately turned the tables and asked me what brings happiness to my life. Although I wasn’t expecting to be asked I enjoyed the spontaneous hot seat. Being asked on the spot brings about an answer that comes from your gut. An answer that wasn’t manipulated by over thinking or second opinions. Although there was a lot I wanted to say and could go on and on about, the first thing that came out was, “I like seeing motivated people. I like seeing people set goals, and to reach their goals… people succeeding.”

As my answer propelled him into thoughts of childhood athletics and the goals and satisfaction that came along with them, he remembered that he forgot an important catalyst for his happiness; nature. I came to learn that this man had a bit of a dark side… not to make you think about Star Wars, but he liked to say that he had a “darker view of things.” But listening to this man talk about nature showed nothing but a bright side, a man and his thoughts. I noticed that throughout the conversation he often looked off into the distance in a longing stare. He had very deep set eyes that were a very dark brown… they seemed to match his mysterious character. He often used his hands as he spoke to help him explain certain things. He also had a bit of a soft voice and I found myself having a hard time hearing his answers, but the hand motions always saved me from asking him to repeat what he said. I thought that spoke a lot about his personality.

He mentioned how nature allows you to have “moments where you have a break in your thought process,” he used his hands to make a spinning motion to signify that we are always thinking about something, and he explained that sometimes it’s nice to simply be distracted.

“The other day I was driving down Rosedale Road when a fox quickly crossed right in front of me, he was gone before I knew it… but it made me stop and think about that fox.” He was right, and I never really thought to look at nature in that way. Nature is all about experiencing things and taking a step back to soak up all of these moments that provide a break in our thoughts. It helps us take a step back from all of the commotion that may be going on in our lives.

I think that to this wise old man, his experiences throughout his life have propelled him to

Eugene, Oregon

use nature as an outlet. He spoke of his uncertainty in his college years and how he jumped from school to school. He grew up in the east coast, started out at a school in Manhattan, went out to the west coast and studied in Oregon… ultimately spending 18 years of his life out there, and what seemed to be some of his best years. He seemed content with his current lifestyle, but I could see the apparent nostalgia and happiness that came from his time in the west coast.

All in all, I heard about some great farming experiences and a different side to finding happiness in the simplest ways. To this wise man that has gone from east coast, to west coast, and back to the east coast, experiencing lots of anthropology, farming, and meditation, he overall believes that “Happiness is an existential state. Some people have more happiness throughout their lives than others.” So I guess he meant that happiness is based on experience. But is it the quality of those experiences or the amount?

Here we go!

A few weeks ago as I was under obscene amounts of stress due to spring semester finals approaching, I came across a video during a study break that has since stuck with me. A video on Vimeo about what makes people happy. This video helped me to truck on through finals week; reminding me that I would soon be able to thoroughly enjoy all of the things that bring happiness to my own life. 

Today (June 6, 2012) while sitting at my local coffee shop, I found my mind wandering back to this video. I began thinking about how there are so many people in this world, and how each and every single person possesses his or her own unique story, whether good or bad. These are experiences that have shaped each individual into the person that they are today. I want to know what makes all of these different people happy, what brings a smile to their face.

My summer has been dedicated to finding inner peace and happiness, and this blog will capture the conversations I will have with people on the catalysts of their own happiness. Each day this summer I will have a conversation with a random stranger about what brings contentment to their life. From each conversation, I will take one statement that stands out, a statement that stuck with me and made me think, and use it to propel the next conversation. In the end, I hope to find a trend or some sort of common theme to the happiness of the people I encounter. I also hope that this will remind those who I talk to and you as the reader, that there is SO much to be happy for, and to cherish all of those reasons to smile.

You’ll notice throughout the conversations with the different people I run into, the bolded statements are the comments that I will be using for the next conversation due to their deep meaning or ambiguous implication. The underlined statements are the ones that came from the previous conversation.