Day 9- July 14, 2012 (Barnes and Noble Altoona, PA 4:00 pm)

Charles. What kind of person comes to mind when you hear the name “Charles?” “Hmm… yes” you say, while stroking your thumb and pointer finger against your chin. Probably some ritzy-fritzy, slightly pompous, well dressed, spiffy looking man… right? (Terribly sorry to all you guys out there named Charles that are the complete opposite of that assumptive description, but y’all aren’t alone!)

I think it’s funny how names can occasionally predetermine the look of a person. You know… when you’re out in public somewhere doing some people watching, and you come across someone of interest. Maybe it’s someone you think is attractive, or someone who’s little mannerisms and quirks are just making you think, making you want to pick that person’s brain! You’ll turn to your friends and curiously inquire, “What do you think that guy’s (or girl’s) name is?” And then, let the debating begin!

You’ll argue “No, no, no! Are you kidding me? Steve!? Look at what he’s wearing… he can’t be a Steve!” Maybe certain characteristics or actions of that person remind you of someone you know, so you’ll say “Well, he looks a lot like David… but I doubt he’s a ‘David’ maybe he’s a….” And the contemplating goes on and on until someone figures it out, or the opportunity to figure it out disappears. Mystery man forever.

I’m reading a book called Consequential Strangers by Melinda Blau and Karen Fingerman, so this whole kind of situation, or ones similar to it, really makes me think. Check out the book’s website! http://www.consequentialstrangers.com/about/ The book makes you envisage the less intimate relationships you may have with the people you interact with on a day-to-day (or maybe even less than that) basis. You may not even know their name, but this book delves into the verity about those relationships, the fact that they are indeed ‘consequential’ and make a big difference to how your life plays out.

Getting back to this whole “mystery name game,” some think that names are quite considerable to peoples’ personalities and who they really are. My grandma was the lucky one to name me when I was born (saving me from a few names my parents were suggesting, ones that my Nonny didn’t take a fancy to.) She always asks me “You know Cassie, what if I named you something else? Like Hazel, or Gertrude, or Bertha? I think that you would be a completely different person!” This question is always a follow-up to her most recent story of her fortuitous conversations in our local Shoprite (I think a love for talking to random strangers might run in the family…)

Every time she’s picking up some groceries she loves flagging down random shoppers to tell them about what I’m up to (and to be honest… she’s quite possibly the cutest grandma you’ve ever seen… always in her white Keds, and preppy little outfits, so I think that it’s hard for people to turn her down. Maybe I’m slightly biased, but she’s one of the most genuine, intelligent, and easy to talk to people I know.) She always starts out those conversations the same way, “You know what my granddaughter is doing right now? Did you know she goes to the University of Delaware? Did you know that she does this?… Works for?… Is involved with?…” Yada yada yada. You know grandparents…

I think she’s pretty darn cute.

The story of how I was named goes a little something like this… One night after having dinner with my parents, my mom (apparently ready to pop like a balloon, she was so pregnant!) and grandma were in the kitchen doing the dishes. My grandma always tells me, “The Mamas & the Papas were on the radio… and I always loved Cass Elliot’s voice, raspy and uniquely different. So I thought to myself… ‘Hmm… Cass… Cassie…Cassandra!’” And the rest is history. I always thank her for not naming me Hazel, or Gertrude, or Bertha, and I do indeed think about if I would be different if I had a different name.

I also would like to think that my voice came from this spontaneous naming. Both of my parents can’t keep a tune (although, that never stops my dad from singing along to The Who in the car with me… it’s quite hilarious to be honest), but somehow I was blessed with some singing ability. Thank you Mama Cass!

So enough with the family stories, and back to my latest interview with Charles, the proud father, who’s a computer consultant, and nothing like the speculative description of “Charles” previously stated.

“So what makes you happy?” He laughed for a moment, a good hardy laugh, and I caught a glimpse of some notably deep dimples in his cheeks. They made me smile; I wasn’t expecting them to be so pronounced. They reminded me of one of the little kids I babysat back at home. He was a funny kid, always wanting to play with the bugs in the sandbox out in the backyard (which I particularly loved since I grew up with my little bug box almost always in hand.) He would always look at my kidney-shaped beauty mark on my inner right calf, point to it, and exclaim “CASSIE! BUG! LOOK! GET IT OFF!” Oh, Regis. (Yes, one of the five year olds I used to babysit was named Regis… What if he had a different name? I wonder…)

“Well, that’s a difficult question to answer… but I really enjoy time with the family. I have two kids. And I also really like to work with computers.” Hmm, two very contrastingly different activities to mention. And man, the many electronics on his table made sense now. “My two girls are ages two and five, and let me tell you… they are definitely more of a handful than boys.”

To that statement all I thought was “Oh… don’t I know it… well at least to an extent.” Working at a summer camp for three years, practically babysitting since I was twelve, and my first taste in student-teaching this past year… allowed me to learn that little girls are indeed tough to handle, to say the least. Which is why a while ago I came to the conclusion that when I have kids, I would like to simply have a lot of boys (and maybe… just one girl) … my friends all agree that they can clearly see me being the soccer/football/boy scout mom who’s always keeping track of a lot of muddy boys.

But let me tell you, this man really cared about his girls (despite their somewhat difficult manner.) A great young father who’s already forming worry-lines appeared as he spoke of the two bundles of joy in his life… those lines that will inevitably deepen, as those two girls grow up. My dad’s worry-filled response to anything I do that’s remotely risky is, “Cass, you just wait. You’ll understand when you have kids.” The typical “parent” response, which personally, I think is said a lot more often to daughters than to sons.

I asked my next question, and this time there was absolutely no hesitation in his response. “A moment or event in my life when I was beyond happy? When both of my daughters were born. By far, the happiest moments of my life.” He spoke with a definitive, great-hearted tone, beaming as the words came out of his mouth. Nothing but a fulfilled smile on his face appeared as he reminisced on those meaningful milestones that brought upon endless amounts of joy, the joy of parenthood!

When I brought up my next question/statement, he had a pretty significant amount to say…

What can a person do to become happier? Say they’re in a rut, what’s the best thing for them to do to escape it? … To get to a happier place?

“Ah ha. Well see, that’s a tough one because most of the time, I’m not a very happy person. I’m not exactly ‘happy’ with the job that I have right now.” Charles, as I previously indicated, is a computer consultant, and he claims, “I really enjoy what I do, just not who I do it for. The job will basically always be here for me, but I can’t grow a career here, if you know what I mean.”

I asked if there would be an opportunity to change his scenery, and he stated, “Well, yes. I’m actually from New Jersey. (At this statement I wondered ‘Wow. What are the chances that I ran into someone from home out here?’)  He took a quick apprehensive glance around the bookstore to make sure that no one was within hearing distance, “ To be honest, I really don’t like the education system here… Don’t get me wrong, it’s a wonderful place to start raising my children, but I think we might end up moving back to NJ soon. My mom recently mentioned that the only reason why I grew in NJ was because of the great education system. And I really want to be able to offer my kids what’s best for them.”

Well, I couldn’t agree more with all of the statements he had been saying. Albeit, I’ve only been out here for a few weeks, but I have noticed that it’s very… desolate. Charles mentioned, “Being a twenty-something year old father, living here isn’t quite how I imagined my first few years of fatherhood to be like… All of my friends are either in California or New Jersey and well, there’s not a lot to do in this area. ”

Like I said…Desolate. If you want to do something around here, you go hiking, fishing, kayaking/canoeing, or well… see that’s pretty much it, it’s a very outdoorsy type area tucked away in the mountains, and isn’t exactly very close to any big cities. So as a concerned father, and twenty-something year old man, I could see where these statements were coming from.

“So if someone wants to get to a happier state, two things need to happen: 1. For the long-term, you’ve gotta find something that you really enjoy doing, especially pertaining to work. (He was obviously experiencing the opposite of this one first hand.) 2. In the short-term, you need to get out! Go outside! No, not to a bar where everyone is going to try to escape his or her problems, but see the sun!” For this volunteer project I’m located in an area where you can see lots of sun, specifically the setting or rising in a magnificent landscape, so I could see that he probably used the latter suggestion quiet often.

When asked if he had any other statements to add to his interview, Charles surprised me. Usually most of my interviewees don’t exactly have much more to say to sum up their interviews, but Charles took note of a flagrant error in our society.

“Well, a lot of people don’t realize what they have… including me,” he gave a jolly chuckle as he opened up his final few remarks. “I have a Russian coworker, and let me tell you, if you think that you have a negative view on life… talk to someone from (the land previously called…) the Soviet Union, and you’ll realize how great our freedoms are, and how you should take note of them everyday. A lot of people take life for granted, and I really think that we need to learn to be grateful. When you start to realize that life is about cherishing what you have, you stop expressing negative or unhappy thoughts about what you want or desire.”

And so, I was reminded of many things throughout my brief conversation with Charles.

1. Kids are absolutely wonderful. It’s no wonder why I want to be a teacher, and to spend mass amounts of time with the little ones who bring so much joy to the many parents out there. I was reminded of a quote by one of my favorite authors, Paulo Coelho…

“A child can teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires.”

2. Not only is it important to surround yourself by people who bring contentment to your life, but it’s also equally imperative to immerse yourself in an environment that makes you blithe on a day-to-day basis.

3. Your workplace is inescapably connected to your level of happiness. A majority of your day is spent in that atmosphere, so if it is not a place that you’re happy with, be sure to recognize that, and plan accordingly. Know that you should do something about it if you desire to be in a happier setting.

4. Cherish what you have every single day of your life! I read a book last week called “Secrets to Happiness” by Sarah Dunn… (A definite ‘chick lit,’ if you will… not usually something that’s on my reading list, but I do enjoy the occasional Nicolas Sparks-like books here and there, to take a breather from my usual choice in literature.) At one point in the novel, one of the side characters goes through a crisis, and the main character is a bit austere while dealing with said “crisis,” and addresses it by mentioning….

“Imagine putting your problems into a matchbox… Then you go put the matchbox in a big huge pile with everybody else’s problems. And then you have to go take a matchbox out of the pile, and those are your new problems. The question is, do you take back your own matchbox, or do you take someone else’s?”

It’s all about taking a step back and looking at the situation. During the somewhat difficult times throughout my life my dad always likes to say “Cass, just think about it. Place the situation on a scale from one to ten. One being a minor injury, like a busted up knee or something, ten being a death in the family or someone you really care about.” Yes, sometimes it’s hard to look at a rather difficult quandary in hindsight and/or with an outsider’s perspective, but sometimes it’s one of the only things that you can do to move on from a tough time in your life. It’s all about analyzing, realizing, and accepting.

5. Get out there and see the sun! Or the rain! Just be out in nature. Get away from the stresses of life for a little bit and soak up the simple things that this world has to offer! And if that’s not enough of a reason for you to take a step outside, read my previous blog post. You might just find some inspiration in some alone time out there in nature.

P.S. I recently rediscovered a joy-filled marvel that could possibly be your dose of calming medicine for the day. Watching the robins prance around in an open field after a rainstorm… ever so eager to come across a few worms that have recently emerged from their hidden and earthy humble abode to soak up some of freshly fallen rain. Simple, yet pleasantly entertaining.

Day 8- July 9, 2012 (Not a new interview yet, but lots and lots of thoughts.)

So here I am tucked away in the Allegheny Mountains of Pennsylvania on this quaint and glorious farm isolated from civilization (the nearest town with wifi and good phone service is about 15-20 minutes out). This detachment from society… a society that thrives on steadfast motion, activity to activity, has brought upon a bit of reverie and above all, clarity. To stipulate a constant bustle on a day-to-day basis was my norm, so this leisurely abundance of “free time” (after work) left me in a daze-like muddle for the first few days.

In reality, people (Americans especially) need to allot time to spend alone, time to break away from the habitual “Go Go Go!” mindset. Remaining in this mindset for too long allows you to lose sight of your roots… who you are deep down, and impetuses that truly promote happiness in your life.

When you take the time to step back from the life that “keeps you on track”… you actually might realize that maybe… just maybe… you weren’t really on the right track. Equipped with a pair of fresh eyes, you come to unexpected discoveries and you expose certain qualities/desires/strengths and weaknesses that might have been buried underneath “the right track.”

Essentially, happiness starts from within. Some people inadvertently (maybe even willfully) surrender to the thought that happiness can come from external factors. Now don’t get me wrong… things that you do in your life can make you happy… but where does that all start? It starts when you decide upon the things that make you happy! It starts when you know who you are and what brings contentment to your existence. Not what makes your friends, family members, or coworkers happy… but YOU… you and only you!

Bringing up the topic of external factors makes me think… “At the end of the day, what’s really ‘ours?’” The human race has gone through this sort of convergent evolution with the idea that we “own” these things in our lives that we buy with this money that we constantly worry about.

This past spring break, I was chosen to participate in my university’s Alternative Spring Break Program. Instead of soaking up some rays on the beach at some touristy destination (like most college students) or sitting at home wishing to participate in the latter activity, I was out in Soddy Daisy, Tennessee, and building hiking trails with the Cumberland Trails Conference. (http://www.cumberlandtrail.org/) It was a life changing experience to say the least… and I could probably write pages and pages about the trip, but I will avoid the lengthy  (albeit, totally worth it…) tangent and skip ahead to the point that I was attempting to get across.

The people on my trip are some of the most amazing people that I have ever met, people who have changed my life and will continue to change my life as time goes on. When on the trail one day, we came across a Cercopia moth (I was taking an Entomology class at the time, so this find provided gold for my final project… not to mention I love insects anyways… always have.) Immediately after this grand discovery someone in our group exclaimed, in an explosion of excitement, “We have to name it!” Names started flowing though my mind, and I didn’t really think twice about this statement until our “guide” volunteer, Beau, brought up a thought provoking comment.

Good ole no-name.

Beau is an individual who some would call a “free bird…” A“free bird” in a negative sense simply because he chose to stray away from our society’s view of “normalcy.” The path that most young adults tend to take and is viewed as the “right” thing to do with their lives. But in my eyes he’s just an intelligent and confident human being who realized that it was okay for him to go against the grain… it was okay to travel the untamed path….

Frost came to this realization as well…

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.”

Upon the “let’s name that moth!” suggestion, Beau gave a simple, very humble chuckle and declared, “You guys (the Alternative Spring Break volunteers… consisting of eager college students) always say that we have to ‘name’ any critter we find out here. People (humanity in general) are funny. Somehow it’s okay to think that anything we find out here can be “ours.” That moth is a moth. It’s not “our” moth. Anything that we find out here isn’t “ours,” it belongs in nature, and not to one person. Why does it always have to be about what we possess?”

This sparked a pretty long philosophical conversation on the fact that when it comes down to it… what do we own? We “own” our homes, cars, bikes, dogs (some of them really own us by the way they take us for a walk), watches, books… etc. the list goes on and on… but at the end of the day all you truly own is your own personal being. You own the right to live your life the way you want to live your life. You have the freedom to do with it what you please.

You control your happiness! So take some time today, or tomorrow, or whenever you get a chance in your hectic day-to-day bustle, to give some time to yourself. Some time to your thoughts and ideas that may have been hidden in the cloud of clutter that becomes so customary. Who knows what you’ll discover! Happy thinking!

Workin’ hard on the trails!

Some of the most awe-inspiring people that I have ever met :)

Day 7- June 25, 2012 (Small World Coffee Shop 9:40 pm)

“It’s not a ‘goodbye’… it’s a ‘smell you later!’” is a phrase that I’ve used over and over again lately. Leaving the friends that I haven’t seen much since college was a dose of some serious déjà vu that I didn’t think would hit so soon. So here I am, finally away from home and college, in a new, beautifully strange place. I’m wwoofing! If you haven’t heard of this term… don’t worry, you are not alone. People always ask me with a perplexed face, “Wait, ‘wolfing’?” Check it out! http://www.wwoof.org/

Onion plants and a sunset in the mountains! One of many pictures to come! The farm is absolutely beautiful!

And finally now that all of the packing and goodbyes are over, I’ve reached my farm, and found one of the best coffee shops I’ve ever been to, here is my latest interview. Long overdue.

To be honest, I have a problem. I have a problem with making awkward eye contact with random people that I come across. Whether I’m in the car at a stoplight (this one leads some people to think that I want to race, but once they take a look at my car… they realize that I would never ever even think to attempt a race of any kind), walking down a busy street, or HEY… even at a coffee shop… I am bound to make awkward eye contact with at least one person. This bothersome inconvenience is magnified through the project… simply because I (creepily) people-watch all of the individuals around me to pick out a victim who doesn’t look too busy to answer a few questions from some random chick.

Well in this case, awkward eye contact for the win. I just happened to make awkward eye contact with a man who was sitting on the other side of the coffee shop. He smiled. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t exactly awkward eye contact on his part… if you know what I’m saying, but nonetheless, eye contact was made. It was about 9:30 pm and Small World closes at 10:00 pm, so I knew that I needed to make some moves if I really wanted to get an interview in.

I walked on over to this man and began to tell him about my project, but before I even finished, he somewhat calmly exclaimed “sit down, sit down, have a seat,” and motioned towards the seat across from him. I sat down and continued to explain why I came over.  A bit confused, or maybe even slightly shocked, he agreed to answer some questions.

“So in general, what makes you happy?” He briefly contemplated the question and responded, “Music… actually Neil Young’s ‘On the Beach’ CD has been playing for the past few songs, I really like his music. I like anything with good string instruments.”

This man looked to be about in his late 20s, maybe early 30s. He had longish curly, medium brown hair… Tarzan-like, but shorter. One of the first things that I noticed about him when he walked in was his backpack; it was a bright orange and yellow Patagonia that reminded me of my awesome friends who I go hiking with. The friends who are adventurous and are always up for my spontaneous excursions.

The man continued on,“I have a degree in horticulture, so I really enjoy working with plants. I’ve always liked working in greenhouses, it’s like being immersed in a sea of plants, there’s nothing but green surrounding you.” Double majoring in two degrees under the College of Agriculture and Natural Resources, I understood what he meant. Plants are awesome and I don’t think that enough people really appreciate all that they do for us.

His passionate statements made me think of my AP bio teacher.  A woman who I aspire to be like when I get older… always drinks her coffee black, is passionate about what she teaches, and loves plants with all her heart… overall an awesome woman who is content with what she has done in her life and loves what she’s doing now.

We spoke of plants and the environment for a bit. He had noticed that I was reading The Sand County Almanac by Aldo Leopold… the father of conservation. Any knowledgeable environmentalist will know of his name and that his achievements were essential to the history of wildlife conservation. This man briefly spoke of his past experiences being exposed to plants through his jobs. “I really like trees, climbing them especially.” As he spoke of his experiences all I could think to myself was, “What are the chances that I ran into another arborist?” But compared to the last arborist I ran into, he didn’t exactly seem as content with that profession. It sounded like he hasn’t really found his niche yet.

As he spoke, I noticed that he seemed to be at a standstill, stuck in a time of his life where he needed a change, but it seemed like he didn’t exactly know what change was needed to bring him contentment. Sometimes those periods in life are difficult. Being in a rut without knowing what to do to escape is frustrating, but someone wise once told me “to live is to feel oneself lost.” Sometimes when you’re uncertain about what you’re supposed to do with your life, you discover so many important things about who you are. You may discover things that you weren’t exactly looking for, but if you take the time to notice and reflect upon those discoveries, you eventually see that they helped you to get to where you want to be, out of that rut!

When asked if he could remember a time, moment, or event in his life when he was beyond happy this man responded with fond memories of being on the road as he was on tour. “I’m a folk musician, and a few years ago I went on tour for a while. You wouldn’t think that crashing on couches and always being on the move would be a happy time, but it was very fulfilling. At each performance, I was always very happy to see the bulletin boards with all of my merchandise on them.”  I could sense a bit of nostalgia from the way he spoke about this satisfying time in his life.

When I brought up the statements from my previous conversation, I confirmed my assumption on this man’s uncertainty.

“We always seem to think that another time will be a better time. The truth is the present is always a good time, but we don’t know it. We’re always looking for something better.”

At first he responded with disappointed chuckle, “Wow, I wish I said something like that.” As I explained that I usually get the more meaningful statements from responses to the previous ones he came back with, “Well, I am going through some troubled times right now, so I’m really trying to stay focused on the present. Focusing on the now can lead to staying happier, instead of dwelling on the past in a negative way. So yes, I agree with this statement, to try to stay happy you have to stay in the present.”

“Being on the road while I was on tour really kept me thinking in the present. It was kind of like going through a dream sequence. You never know what the next scene will look like.”

When I brought up the other statement… “The people who see the present as the best time are the happiest people in the world.” He responded “Sure, yeah. Although I would say that I am almost always looking to the future, I think that you definitely can find happiness in that as well.  Being an environmentalist I notice that many people who only live in the present tend to be wasteful and don’t think about their actions affecting the future. It makes me happy to look to the future because I want to make it a better, more sustainable place.”

I could relate to his outlook. When talking with some of my who are also majoring in environmental related majors we always seem to come back to a slightly cliche desire… “I want to save the Earth.”

Although I didn’t really find a statement that really stuck with me, this conversation made me think about some questions to ask the next person. I believe that I will ask the next stranger: What can a person can do to become happier? Say they’re in a rut, what’s the best thing for them to do to escape it? … To get to a happier place?

At the end of most of my conversations, I ask the individual if they have anything else that they want to add to their interview, anything about happiness in general. To be honest, I didn’t really see this conversation wrapping up the way that it did.

There was a pause and all he stated was “Well, is there going to be a follow up interview?” Shocked, I stumbled over my words as my awkward ways shined through yet again. But, I suppose maybe those awkward and quirky tendencies seemed to be endearing… he was persistent.

Even after that unexpected ending, as I was packing up he came over to my table and gave me one of his CDs and all I can say is that he really, really knows how to play the guitar.

Feel free to check him out on Facebook! http://www.facebook.com/eddiewestmusic